Wittbloom 2014 Grammy’s Recap

28 Jan

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With pink champagne, food from Rio’s and French macaroons, we camped out on the couch with Scooby to watch the Grammy’s last night*. But before Caitlin could even get her Bey headband on and settle in, the opening notes of “Drunk in Love” were playing and she was still getting ready. I yelled “IT’S BEYONCE TIME!” and she ran in and turned off the lights and started bouncing/dancing around the room. Beyonce was as incredible as ever** and her chemistry with a tuxedo’d Jay (not to mention the chair) was electric***. The show could have ended right there and we’d have been happy, but we still had Daft Punk & Stevie and Paul & Ringo and Willie and more to come. It wasn’t perfect, and we had our share of complaints, but it was a really fun Grammy’s if I do say so myself. If I do say so myself.

*We also had super fancy made-in-France chocolate. We know how to have ourselves a Wittbloom-only Grammy party, y’all.

**She was SPECTACULAR. A fierce force of sexual ownership and womanhood to be reckoned with.

***They were the CUTEST!!!

What’s left to say about Bey at this point*? She’s the Queen and can do no wrong. Another incredible performance. Can’t wait to see her sweep the awards next year. You should really click through the “36 Absolute Sexiest Moments From Bey & Jay’s performance.**”  Then they gave best new artist to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, who we aren’t all that into, but I think Caitlin gained more respect for as the night went on.

*SURFBOARD. SURFBOARD.

**All of the moments. All of them. /dead

Since this show is about performances more than awards, 2016’s best new artist (half kidding) Lorde was next to sing “Royals.” There was a lot of attention given to her clothes and nails, but I didn’t notice*. I thought she sounded great and am excited to see where her career goes. Then we had an awful Hunter Hayes performance that I don’t want to link to or talk about, so let’s just do this:

*She was so perfectly her, which is such a rare thing for a young female artist. She’s showing a different side to being feminine, and that, to me, is magic.

5 Worst Performances

  1. Hunter Hayes – I don’t know who this kid is, but he needs to stop. Especially with the John Lennon quotes. No. As I tweeted at the time, “Between LL’s opening ‘music is special you guys!’ smarm and this ‘be different!’ after-school special I feel like we’re at a D.A.R.E. event.” That said, I’d put Metallica in this slot. Shocked they didn’t make Zack’s bottom 5.
  2. Robin Thicke and Chicago – Why not pair Alan Thicke with Boston while we’re at it? No one wanted this. I was blinded by the white. I’m so ridiculously happy Thicke didn’t win anything.
  3. Imagine Dragons & Kendrick Lamar – Good job, good effort. We muted this entire performance because we just can’t stomach Imagine Dragons. Their sound is like a bunch of execs got together and went, what sells right now? Mix a bit of this with that and BLAMMO! It’s awful but we’re gonna sell it! In retrospect, I’m ashamed we didn’t listen for Kendrick because I’ve heard such amazing things about him. We saw him at a music festival and weren’t wowed but perhaps we just didn’t get it?
  4. Taylor Swift – Didn’t care for her performance, but loved when she thought she won best albumToo many people who I admire heartily (Rob Sheffield, Tavi Gevinson, Lorde) are pro-Swift for me to hate on her as outwardly as I have in the past. I still feel reservations about her, because she just comes off as such a huge phony to me, but at the same time, I feel really bad for her mistaken reaction and that we’re all making fun of her about it now — remembering back to my awkward younger years, I could totally see myself doing something similar and praying nobody saw. Keep singing your feelings, girl. Maybe someday you’ll write a song I like.
  5. Pink – Doing the twirly deal on ropes is cool once, but again? Really? Just join cirque at this point. Seriously!! We, like, JUST saw her do this on an award’s show. It’s not new or cool or anything, and especially in the string of yawn-worthy ballads it was just like, enough already. Still, all of these performances were better than Metallica. Yikes.

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Time for champagne and back to the awards as Daft Punk wins best duo, leading Caitlin to yell “Yay robots! Do it, robots!” It was the Robots’ night*. We were happy to see Gary Clark Jr. on the Grammy’s, but wished he wasn’t with Keith Urban and we were fairly indifferent about John Legend, but got excited again when Sirvana (Paul & the remaining Nirvana members) won best rock song for “Cut Me Some Slack.” After more who cares performances from Taylor Swift and twirly Pink, we got our boy Ringo**.

*It really was. NPR aired a clip from an interview they did with the men behind the robots right when Random Access Memories was released, and hearing them talk about how they are trying to capture, through their music, this feeling of robots longing to be human and really, what is humanity anyway? It’s just too awesome. All of the kudos to them and their awesomeness. I’m so glad they never de-botted.

**OUR boy?! Psh. MY boy. Zack threw all kinds of shade at the happiest, cuddliest Beatle, but I had nothing but love.

I enjoyed the Ringo performance. He sounds good and it’s one of his only memorable solo songs, but why are we having Ringo play a song from 1973 and not having Paul play with him or adding anything special to it*. I’m happy to have any Ringo at all, but it feels like a bit of a missed opportunity to do something more. Wouldn’t we rather have Paul guest with Ringo than Ringo guest with Paul?

*Because a) they get their own whole show dedicated to them in February, b) Paul is not the only one with a solo career, and c) let Ringo do what he wants!!!! He just wants us all to be happy in peace and love and harmony, man!!!! RINGO FOREVER!!!

sippiecupThen Jay wins for best rap collaboration, tells Blue Ivy he got her a gold sippie cup and then demonstrates backstage because Jay is the best*. Our mute button gets a workout through the next Imagine Dragons & Kendrick Lamar and Kacey Musgraves performances and then it’s Paul time! Introduced by Julia Roberts for reasons I don’t understand, but still, Paul & Ringo!

*You forgot the most important part: Jay made every woman in the world swoon with envy as he gave the sweetest shout-out of all time to the young lady who has changed his life for the better, Beyonce. True love, y’all. Even Jamie Foxx trying to be an asshole and put his damn patriarchal male gaze all over Beyonce didn’t stop Jay from being respectful and sweet. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

[HD] Paul McCartney & Ringo Starr “Queenie Eye… by IdolxMuzic

The biggest relief of the “Queenie Eye” performance was that there was no John & George holograms. I love Paul’s NEW album and this gem sounded great and it was heartwarming to see Paul & Ringo on stage together again*. Made me more excited for the Beatles special in a couple weeks, but still wish they’d played at least one Beatles song between the two performances. Still, loved the Paul yelping and Yoko dancing.

*Totally agreed, although why they had Ringo PLUS Paul’s touring drummer is beyond me. Totally unnecessary.

Screen Shot 2014-01-27 at 8.20.14 AMScooby enjoyed Willie Nelson’s performance almost as much as we did. Gotta love Willie at 80*. After Lorde won another award, it was time for the long-awaited Daft Punk performance with Stevie Wonder.

*I yelped like a small child for “Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys” because that song melts my Texas heart every time.

It was a cool, if not transcendent performance. For the first couple minutes it was Pharell and Stevie doing a funky, but light version of “Get Lucky” with no sign of the robots. At 2:21 they come in and do it up big with a “Freak Out” tease and even though they’re mostly just standing there with non-functioning buttons, it was quite enjoyable*. Caitlin got her dance on and I enjoyed couch dancing and raising my glass and swaying. I pretty much checked out to walk Scooby, do the dishes and get in bed at this point, but saw that Daft Punk won record and album of the year and Caitlin will describe the Macklemore & Queen Latifah wedding deal, since I didn’t see it.

*Quite enjoyable = mind-blowing. I just melted into the groove. I was so happy to see my robots, and I texted my friend Melissa immediately so as to reminisce about when they guested with Phoenix at Madison Square Garden, which we were front-row for. When they teased “Around the World” I flushed from the excitement of it all. ROBOTS!

The Macklemore/Queen Latifah wedding thing was…OK. I have very mixed feelings about that whole spiel at this point. Here’s the thing – I’m so glad that there are more vocal allies for the LGBT community, and having more allies is never going to be a bad thing. But I also am wary of the fact that within his own song, Macklemore makes it abundantly clear *he* isn’t gay. If you’re a real ally, would you feel the need to protest so much? I don’t know. I’m still processing this one, I guess. I’ve read a few articles about Macklemore’s race privilege in relation to his win over Kendrick Lamar, and some of my Twitter friends were pointing out that it’d be nice to have a gay performer celebrated instead of an ally, which is the safer route. I’ll get back to you on this someday. For now, I’ll say it was sweet and I have to think even just a little progress is good progress.

The one performance I was sad to miss at the end was the Grohl/NIN/QotSA/Buckingham performance, but it was pretty lame that they cut off this all-star performance with a full minute to go. Trent Reznor was not pleasedOh go hush yourself, Trent Reznor. Everyone knows the last performance of the Grammy’s always gets cut off, and there were plenty of white rocker dudes who got stage time so you can just take a seat, for chrissakes.

The most important parts of the Grammy’s are that the Wittblooms had a hell of a night with our delicious pink bubbly and macaroons, that Lorde is a wonderful childlike empress who should always be celebrated, that the Robots are taking over and we can all feel OK with that because it means we get to grooooove, and finally, that Beyonce and Jay are the best of all time ever and forever the end.

…surfboard.

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