The Week Scooby Tried to Eat Everything*

14 Jun

happy at vet

The week of Scooby madness started late Tuesday night.  I was eating a bowl of grapes in the rock garden while watching the NBA finals as Caitlin put the finishing pink *’s on thank you notes**. My new wife called me into the dining room to have me look over her notes before she put them in envelopes. When I returned to the rock garden, I found an empty bowl of grapes and the vine on the carpet. I had to ask myself how confident I was that I’d eaten them all before leaving the room and settled on 90%. That 10% chance was too much to leave after reading how toxic grapes can be to a dog’s kidneys. So I rushed our hungry pup to the emergency vet*** where they induced vomiting and determined he hadn’t eaten a single grape. So Scooby and I were all smiles late Tuesday night at the emergency vet. We thought we’d made it through the worst of things. Not by a long shot. 

*I was really rooting to name this post, The Honeymoon’s Over Part 2: Someone really needs some goddamn attention.

**I had already forewarned Zack that grapes are poison for dogs, so to please not set them on the ground or anywhere close to where Scooby could get near them.

***While I nervously paced at home.


Scooby got the all clear from the vet on Thursday, after a blood test revealed that his kidney levels hadn’t changed 48 hours after not eating grapes. On Friday he decided to celebrate. As posted on Instagram last week, we’ve still got wedding centerpieces and decorations covering the living room table*. One of these pieces of decoration is the wedding cake topper. Caitlin diligently cleaned off all the cake bits. Well, apparently not all of them. Scooby decided he smelled some cake on there and leapt onto the table, knocking down everything in his path so he could bite and suck on the bottom of the wedding topper, breaking the angel figurine Caitlin’s grandma got her in the process**.

*It’s annual performance review season at work, so Spring Cleaning has had to wait until I get through what essentially amounts to 14 essays I’m having to write. Please pray for me.

**I was heartbroken over both the angel and the cake topper. We can fix the angel with some really strong glue, but the topper is now just going to remain chewed and semi-destroyed, which destroys me given the intense amount of work our illustrator put into it. Sigh.


But that was all just a set-up for the main event. On Saturday we headed to the LBJ museum to check out the opening day of The Beatles exhibit. We were met with a two-hour line*, so we headed to Waterloo to cash in a wedding gift on a live Radiohead album, Phoenix’s United and the first Run The Jewels album to fill our collection. We got home after being gone just 90 minutes to see Scooby’s last antics. This time there was no questioning whether or not he’d gotten into something bad. We knew immediately that our guy had gotten into a pot brownie. Well, 3/4 of a half stale pot brownie, but still**.

*Austinites love their free grand openings. Zack promised me we shall return in the coming weeks so we can check out the exhibit, and that was enough for me to abandon the 90 degree heat.

**o_O is still how my face looks as I relive this moment. UGHGHGHGHGHGHGH.

scooby in cage

A wedding guest gave it to us as a gift, we weren’t in any rush to eat it* and it ended up on top of the toaster. When I made toast Saturday morning, I moved the brownie slightly lower on the counter top, just low enough that a pesky dog could get to it when we were away. Within three minutes of being home, we decided to get Scooby back to the emergency vet**. I took him out to the bathroom on the way out and the poor guy was having balance issues when he’d lift his leg to pee. We gave him half a cup of food to settle his stomach and let him poop and then back to the emergency vet we went. It was a tense drive where we tried in vain not to blame each other or get defensive and frustrated at the whole situation***. More than anything we were worried about our guy.

*Nor, apparently, is anyone ever — as we retold this story to various friends, pretty much all of them agreed that edibles are terrible because they make you feel like you’re going to die. Poor, poor Scoobus.

**This was not a question, as far as I was concerned. He was going back.

***It was especially frustrating and heartbreaking because Scooby would flinch every time I went to pet him. He was not at all his normal self — instead of jumping around in the backseat, he lay down and just kind of tried to avoid everything.

look away

When we walked in, we decided we had to be honest with the vets about what was going on, but we didn’t want to tell the entire waiting room*. I told the woman at the front desk that Scooby ate a brownie, but when a guy with his hair in a pony tail went to take Scooby back I told him I had to talk to him. “I think I know what you’re going to say,” he told me. “If you think you know, then you know.” “Don’t worry man, I’ll take care of him.” They led us back to a waiting room as they induced vomiting for Scooby for the second time in five days. While waiting we saw a small dog who had swallowed pennies. Well, we thought it was pennies. Turns out the guy said panties. Apparently a lot of  dogs do this? We also found out a lot of dogs eat pot brownies**.

*This is sort of correct. It was more like, I insisted over and over that Zack tell the first veterinary care person we saw exactly what the deal was so as not to waste any time, and he wanted to wait to be discrete with the vet tech that would be working with Scooby.

**Indeed, the veterinarian seemed 100% unfazed by the situation, which made me feel a little bit less like a completely horrible failure of a dog mom. A little bit less.

looking around

After a bit of a wait, the vet came back to tell us that Scooby was doing pretty well. His heart rate was down a bit and he wasn’t quite acting like himself, but they wanted to keep him there overnight to keep an eye on him and make sure he vomited everything up. They’d also keep him on an IV to clear his system out. We got to go back and pet him and reassure him that everything was going to be OK before we let him get back to recovering. Poor pup. He even had to be housed underneath a cat — a cat, for the love of god!! We warned the ponytail tech guy that Scooby did NOT like cats, and he looked at Scooby and said, “Well…don’t look up, man.”


Our sweet pup was happy to see us and wanted to come home, but we wanted to make sure he was 100% before we took him home. We left him there, sadly, vowing never to leave any food of any kind on a counter. Only cupboards, in the fridge or on top of the fridge from now on. We were prepared to leave him there overnight, but our Scoobs is such a trooper, he was ready to go by 10 p.m. We picked up a curious dog who was excited to get in the car, but sang a different tune when we got home.

IMG_4330Our curious dog spent the next couple hours looking for a new place to lay down and let his tummy rest. And going to the bathroom a lot. He took an extremely long pee and then woke us up twice in the middle of the night to go again*. I even took him for a third time at 5:30 when I got up for work. He’s been taking it easy today and is well on the way to recovery. It was a scary, frustrating, expensive week, but hopefully we learned our lesson that no counter is safe from Scooby and we need to be extra careful to keep everything but Scooby food away from him. I’d like to say I hope he learned his lesson to not eat food that isn’t his, but I’m not even going to dream of that**. Scooby’s gonna be Scooby. It’s up to us to keep him safe.

*Seriously, the longest pees ever. He peed for about 3 straight minutes at 1AM, and then for about 2 at 3AM. I know because I was there. I’m really glad that this happened during performance review weekend. /dead

**I wonder what, if anything, Scooby even got out of this whole experience except a lot of sad confusion. My takeaways were, 1. Be better dog parents and 2. Nobody likes edibles.


2 Responses to “The Week Scooby Tried to Eat Everything*”

  1. Bish June 15, 2015 at 5:10 am #

    Zack told me the Scooby tales a couple of days ago. Poor guy so glad he’s doing better. But on your conclusions: #1 a dog eating something he shouldn’t: it happens to virtually every dog owner, #2 not everyone dislikes edibles. Finally, a three minute pee …that is one long pee. Do you know how long your guy Tom Hanks’ peed in ALOTO?

  2. Catherine Ford June 15, 2015 at 4:00 pm #

    Such a tough weekend for all. Your patience with your Scoobysus was phenomenal – glad your guy is recovering!

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